Grief is different for everyone. I can only tell you what I've experienced. It's been a real struggle since my husband passed away in October. It wasn't unexpected but yet it was. I knew someday he would be gone, I just didn't expect it that particular day. I didn't expect it to hit me so hard when we had known for 7 years that he would die. I know everyone grieves in different ways. I seemed to be "OK" at least in the beginning. There was plans to make, things to do, holidays, my daughter's wedding. Then...January came along. It was cold. It was dark. I was living with boxes piled up around me. I couldn't find a house to buy. Grief and depression hit me like a ton of bricks. It literally felt like a blanket had been tossed over my head. I couldn't see. I couldn't breathe. Thankfully I have a lot of support from friends and family and slowly I've been lifting out this well of sadness. If you've been there, then you know. If you haven't, I hope you never do. The time change helped, bringing sunlight at the end of the day and we are getting some warmth! I've bought a house and will be moving soon. The grief doesn't sucker punch me in the stomach anymore. I don't sit around crying anymore. Certain things do effect me like a particular song or memory but these things don't make me bawl uncontrollably anymore. Crying is a release NOT a sign of weakness but it is exhausting. If you have depression, please get help. Reach out to someone, anyone. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness either. Sometimes we just need a little help along the way! It's also unfortunate that I turned to food in this time. I should have known better! But this is my downfall, stress eating, trying to fill a void with food. So I've gained some weight back. I finally got back on the scale with the aid of my inner voice giving me a stern pep talk. Don't be scared! Whatever that scale says is not the end of the world! I was NOT happy with the number but I'm also not letting it deter me. I've starting watching what I eat, making healthy meals, planning out my meals, drinking my water and I've already lost 4 lbs. It's a start!! So I just wanted to reach out to anyone who reads this and say it's ok. It's ok to feel sad but get support if you don't have it. Find a support group. Write. Ask for help. Call the lifeline anytime!
"Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. ~ Vickie Harrison"